Fantasy is always hunting me.

O Allah! I was in fear and confusion. The picture that comes in dreams are very frightening to me. What's more it happens over and over again.

I am trapped in a prison of fantasy and it is quite difficult for me to escape. What I feel at that time is frustration and there is no spirit to survive.

Before I close my eyes, my last sight was in a blue colored room. When I open my eyelids, the atmosphere changed to a terrifying jungle. Everything is quiet and silent. I am looking a way out of this nightmare. Finally, what I found was a river where the water flows rapidly and this makes me scared to crossing it.

Finally, I screamed with all my heart, and finally I fall sat down to the earth because I no longer able to speak and move.

And again I wake up in the fantasy world. Now, I was somewhere else and it was very strange at all for me. At that time, my mind struggled because I knew that I was still confined in a prison of fantasy. I look around me filled with a lot of men dressed in white and I was in a white room too.

Ah! Why it is difficult for me to escape from this dream's game?. O Allah! Please let me ..... And thus ended everything when I was in a house of worship (mosque) in which all the pilgrims were prayer in humble. My soul feels tranquil at the moment and I take this opportunity to worship to the Almighty God. While I was prostrate on the floor to enslave myself to God, suddenly the situation and atmosphere changed once again.

I was moved several times in the fantasy world and it seems that the 'fantasy' have succeeded in influencing my mind and soul. Now, I've lost everything, and I surrender to fantasy. Both my hands was pulled roughly by two creatures that I do not know. Then, gradually my view became clear and I can see two human beings with bluish colored eyes.

Finally I lost to them and my weak body are thrown to the hard and cold iron bed. My world is gone forever because everything is emptiness and despair. There is no more further appeals to escape and also the human voice that speaks. I surrender myself to you Oh God ....

I'm looking something in myself.

This song/lyrics is for myself, because I am not as what other people think. I was still confused about my identity.

"Superman (It's Not Easy)"

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

"It is not easy for me to continue life on this earth because of the way people live or socialize very confusing me. In fact, when I managed to get into their minds, it is very hard because what I found was a room or a box filled with a lot of doors. And that's why people are often wrong in making decisions in life which led to the destruction and damage on the earth".

"But, that all is not their fault because they are not a perfect man. However, they can change themselves if they want it. The problem now is how to choose the right door?. That is, the door that leads to perfection and develop yourself as a good leader in the future. Every religion gives tips towards it. Unfortunately, man is in loss, not wanting to change and find ways to bring goodness and harmony that will give new light to the world".

My condition getting worse, and I desperately needed help.

Oh God! I don't know how to describe my pain because I am very suffering. Yesterday was a very bad day for me because my whole body in pain, and it disturbs my sleep. And, when my stomach was feeling hungry, I make myself courage to chew some food and unfortunately, when the food began to enter my stomach such as a bomb exploded, it sprayed out all the food and fluid and made ​​me more hungry and thirsty.

It seems that my allergies become more severe from day to day and one minute I felt like an hour. So, how do I survive?. It doesn't meant that I don't want to go to hospital for treatment, but unfortunately there is no appropriate treatment for me. And, what I fear the most is that there will be a misunderstanding between me and the doctors.

I desperately needed help and I am willing to spend a lot of money to treat my disease. Unfortunately, I am not one who had money because I'm not working. In fact, to continue my studies also deemed too difficult.

Oh Earth! You made ​​me have to live 'under the shell,' because your atmosphere are poisoning to my body. Every time I go out of the 'shell' to enjoy the air of the earth, I'm sure that's your invisible army will enter my pores and quietly invade and destroy the cells of my body. Indeed, I was afraid to tell this problem to others even to the world. But, every time I try, I will met the dead end.

So I had to take risks that might endanger my life. I hope that someday, I'll find a way out of this problem. Balloon Room, Lab Rats, DNA Testing, Genetic Testing, and so on, it's normal for me because anywhere I go, the word is often out of the mouth of the researchers. I'm tired of running and now I just want to stop take a break and I leave my security in God to protect me.

The question is, what is my species?. To become a "Vegitarian", I can't because I am allergic to many species of plants and vegetables. To be a meat eater also I can't because of allergies. So, please help me!. I don't want to be locked up in the 'bubble OR balloon room' because they(doctors) wanted to conduct genetic research on me. I'm scared.

The question is: Who am I?.

My name is Syazalina and I was 21 years old.

Now, everything is very confusing. I feel confused about myself and I felt like I lost my mind. The word personality very much tormented me because I have not fully know myself. So, who am I and where did I come from?. I just want the true answer.

Every time I see other children happy with their families, I felt a great pain because I don't know, what is the meaning of 'family' is. That doesn't mean that I do not have a family. Just ... I feel like my life is full of fraud.

I do not blame my parents for what happened. Perhaps they too are victims of fraud. Once again!. Who am I?. This question has emerged in my mind when I was eight years old. At that time, I feel like I have no blood relationship with anyone on this earth. In fact, maybe I was an adopted child. So, every time I asked about this to my mother, I would be scolded.

So I spent most of my time alone in the room and if possible, I try to avoid socializing. I strongly dislike socializing because I know that I will be mocked and possibly misunderstood.

Now, I was tormented when I caught up with reality. What is worrying is the new question comes to my mind. Am I human or .......?. I started to realize a difference in me when compared with the human beings on this earth. Almost all food sources on the earth would harm me. So, how do I continue to live as human being?. Not only that. Anywhere I go, I will be called as an alien. And several times I nearly became a 'lab rat'. My life is full of confusion, mystery, and fear.

In addition, I strongly dislike going to the hospital. In fact, just with the word 'hospital' can arouse panic in me. It is because there are many times the doctors there wanted to conduct DNA research on me. Why should I and not others?. Although I was different, they have to remember that I am also a human.

RESULTS OF THE TEST(Astral Test)

Test for predisposition to Astral projections, lucid dreams and out of body experiences

Astral Projection: 64% Out-of-Body-Experience: 23% Lucid Dreams: 63% Congratulations! You've been out of your body at will, and if it is not a result of special training, you have an in-born capacity to journey to the astral plane. With your capacities you won't find it difficult to master the methodologies of healing, operating bioenergetics, clairvoyance, etc. Develop them and you'll reach considerable results!

I must act now before I crazy to think about it.

Oh God! I am disappointed to have parents with shallow thinking. Their words pierced right into my heart and it is very toxic at all. So it was hard for me to face the reality. But, what could I do because they are my own mother and father. I was so scared if there were many people like this out there.

Are they blind or forgotten about the creation of human being?. God bestowed so many benefits for mankind and lead to fabulosity. However, many people like to waste the gift. One word only ... They are stupid people!. They feel that they are great because they can make a great plans to continue this life and some of them became millionaires. Their minds are guided by what they see in front of the eyes. But, they rarely ask themselves. "Am I happy with all this?." Similarly to who lost their lives because they forget to remember the childhood memories where it filled with 'imagination'.

Imagination ..... ! The imagination is the door to happiness and the key to new ideas. If people use it, they will feel a very great feelings and can not be described with words. So, be born extraordinary people. Children are the ones who are very lucky because their imaginations door are not closed.

But the sadness fact is while in adulthood. It is due to "adulthood" that kill the imagination. I mean the "adult" words that kill the happiness in imagination world. How good if the imagination can be maintained until we are old and waiting for our death. Human now are blind in life because they can not find the true happiness.

I am confused and I was angry with everything that happens in this world. Living in this world is likened to a prison and human beings are inhabitants. So, what is built is only pain, frustration, and fear. Therefore, I continue my life to find the happiness and the earth will emits the light of positive energy to all parts of the universe. And, all creatures will be delighted with all that. Let the world contaminating from the outbreak of happiness.

What I expect is the realization. I want my parents aware of all that. And I want them to dispose their old notions. Especially the changes desperately needed by every human being. I will never forget my father's words:

"Imagination or fantasy is for children. You are not children. So, you need to think like adult and mature".

But, what about Albert Einstein?. Is he a child too because he said:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge".

So think back my words.