Things that happen in my life.

Fantasy is always hunting me.

2012-01-16T10:58:00.001+08:00

O Allah! I was in fear and confusion. The picture that comes in dreams are very frightening to me. What's more it happens over and over again.

I am trapped in a prison of fantasy and it is quite difficult for me to escape. What I feel at that time is frustration and there is no spirit to survive.

Before I close my eyes, my last sight was in a blue colored room. When I open my eyelids, the atmosphere changed to a terrifying jungle. Everything is quiet and silent. I am looking a way out of this nightmare. Finally, what I found was a river where the water flows rapidly and this makes me scared to crossing it.

Finally, I screamed with all my heart, and finally I fall sat down to the earth because I no longer able to speak and move.

And again I wake up in the fantasy world. Now, I was somewhere else and it was very strange at all for me. At that time, my mind struggled because I knew that I was still confined in a prison of fantasy. I look around me filled with a lot of men dressed in white and I was in a white room too.

Ah! Why it is difficult for me to escape from this dream's game?. O Allah! Please let me ..... And thus ended everything when I was in a house of worship (mosque) in which all the pilgrims were prayer in humble. My soul feels tranquil at the moment and I take this opportunity to worship to the Almighty God. While I was prostrate on the floor to enslave myself to God, suddenly the situation and atmosphere changed once again.

I was moved several times in the fantasy world and it seems that the 'fantasy' have succeeded in influencing my mind and soul. Now, I've lost everything, and I surrender to fantasy. Both my hands was pulled roughly by two creatures that I do not know. Then, gradually my view became clear and I can see two human beings with bluish colored eyes.

Finally I lost to them and my weak body are thrown to the hard and cold iron bed. My world is gone forever because everything is emptiness and despair. There is no more further appeals to escape and also the human voice that speaks. I surrender myself to you Oh God ....

I'm looking something in myself.

2012-01-15T20:36:00.004+08:00

This song/lyrics is for myself, because I am not as what other people think. I was still confused about my identity.

"Superman (It's Not Easy)"

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

"It is not easy for me to continue life on this earth because of the way people live or socialize very confusing me. In fact, when I managed to get into their minds, it is very hard because what I found was a room or a box filled with a lot of doors. And that's why people are often wrong in making decisions in life which led to the destruction and damage on the earth".

"But, that all is not their fault because they are not a perfect man. However, they can change themselves if they want it. The problem now is how to choose the right door?. That is, the door that leads to perfection and develop yourself as a good leader in the future. Every religion gives tips towards it. Unfortunately, man is in loss, not wanting to change and find ways to bring goodness and harmony that will give new light to the world".

My condition getting worse, and I desperately needed help.

2011-12-17T19:06:00.003+08:00

Oh God! I don't know how to describe my pain because I am very suffering. Yesterday was a very bad day for me because my whole body in pain, and it disturbs my sleep. And, when my stomach was feeling hungry, I make myself courage to chew some food and unfortunately, when the food began to enter my stomach such as a bomb exploded, it sprayed out all the food and fluid and made me more hungry and thirsty.

It seems that my allergies become more severe from day to day and one minute I felt like an hour. So, how do I survive?. It doesn't meant that I don't want to go to hospital for treatment, but unfortunately there is no appropriate treatment for me. And, what I fear the most is that there will be a misunderstanding between me and the doctors.

I desperately needed help and I am willing to spend a lot of money to treat my disease. Unfortunately, I am not one who had money because I'm not working. In fact, to continue my studies also deemed too difficult.

Oh Earth! You made me have to live 'under the shell,' because your atmosphere are poisoning to my body. Every time I go out of the 'shell' to enjoy the air of the earth, I'm sure that's your invisible army will enter my pores and quietly invade and destroy the cells of my body. Indeed, I was afraid to tell this problem to others even to the world. But, every time I try, I will met the dead end.

So I had to take risks that might endanger my life. I hope that someday, I'll find a way out of this problem. Balloon Room, Lab Rats, DNA Testing, Genetic Testing, and so on, it's normal for me because anywhere I go, the word is often out of the mouth of the researchers. I'm tired of running and now I just want to stop take a break and I leave my security in God to protect me.

The question is, what is my species?. To become a "Vegitarian", I can't because I am allergic to many species of plants and vegetables. To be a meat eater also I can't because of allergies. So, please help me!. I don't want to be locked up in the 'bubble OR balloon room' because they(doctors) wanted to conduct genetic research on me. I'm scared.

The question is: Who am I?.

2011-12-15T21:58:00.003+08:00

My name is Syazalina and I was 21 years old.

Now, everything is very confusing. I feel confused about myself and I felt like I lost my mind. The word personality very much tormented me because I have not fully know myself. So, who am I and where did I come from?. I just want the true answer.

Every time I see other children happy with their families, I felt a great pain because I don't know, what is the meaning of 'family' is. That doesn't mean that I do not have a family. Just ... I feel like my life is full of fraud.

I do not blame my parents for what happened. Perhaps they too are victims of fraud. Once again!. Who am I?. This question has emerged in my mind when I was eight years old. At that time, I feel like I have no blood relationship with anyone on this earth. In fact, maybe I was an adopted child. So, every time I asked about this to my mother, I would be scolded.

So I spent most of my time alone in the room and if possible, I try to avoid socializing. I strongly dislike socializing because I know that I will be mocked and possibly misunderstood.

Now, I was tormented when I caught up with reality. What is worrying is the new question comes to my mind. Am I human or .......?. I started to realize a difference in me when compared with the human beings on this earth. Almost all food sources on the earth would harm me. So, how do I continue to live as human being?. Not only that. Anywhere I go, I will be called as an alien. And several times I nearly became a 'lab rat'. My life is full of confusion, mystery, and fear.

In addition, I strongly dislike going to the hospital. In fact, just with the word 'hospital' can arouse panic in me. It is because there are many times the doctors there wanted to conduct DNA research on me. Why should I and not others?. Although I was different, they have to remember that I am also a human.

RESULTS OF THE TEST(Astral Test)

2011-08-16T13:29:00.001+08:00

Test for predisposition to Astral projections, lucid dreams and out of body experiences

Astral Projection:

64%

Out-of-Body-Experience:

23%

Lucid Dreams:

63%

Congratulations! You've been out of your body at will, and if it is not a result of special training, you have an in-born capacity to journey to the astral plane. With your capacities you won't find it difficult to master the methodologies of healing, operating bioenergetics, clairvoyance, etc. Develop them and you'll reach considerable results!

I must act now before I crazy to think about it.

2011-08-10T16:21:00.003+08:00

Oh God! I am disappointed to have parents with shallow thinking. Their words pierced right into my heart and it is very toxic at all. So it was hard for me to face the reality. But, what could I do because they are my own mother and father. I was so scared if there were many people like this out there.

Are they blind or forgotten about the creation of human being?. God bestowed so many benefits for mankind and lead to fabulosity. However, many people like to waste the gift. One word only ... They are stupid people!. They feel that they are great because they can make a great plans to continue this life and some of them became millionaires. Their minds are guided by what they see in front of the eyes. But, they rarely ask themselves. "Am I happy with all this?." Similarly to who lost their lives because they forget to remember the childhood memories where it filled with 'imagination'.

Imagination ..... ! The imagination is the door to happiness and the key to new ideas. If people use it, they will feel a very great feelings and can not be described with words. So, be born extraordinary people. Children are the ones who are very lucky because their imaginations door are not closed.

But the sadness fact is while in adulthood. It is due to "adulthood" that kill the imagination. I mean the "adult" words that kill the happiness in imagination world. How good if the imagination can be maintained until we are old and waiting for our death. Human now are blind in life because they can not find the true happiness.

I am confused and I was angry with everything that happens in this world. Living in this world is likened to a prison and human beings are inhabitants. So, what is built is only pain, frustration, and fear. Therefore, I continue my life to find the happiness and the earth will emits the light of positive energy to all parts of the universe. And, all creatures will be delighted with all that. Let the world contaminating from the outbreak of happiness.

What I expect is the realization. I want my parents aware of all that. And I want them to dispose their old notions. Especially the changes desperately needed by every human being. I will never forget my father's words:

"Imagination or fantasy is for children. You are not children. So, you need to think like adult and mature".

But, what about Albert Einstein?. Is he a child too because he said:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge".

So think back my words.

My dreams by Kathleen Spencer

2011-08-10T00:10:00.001+08:00

Name only humans, but they have no sense.

2011-07-10T02:01:00.002+08:00

After what I watch on TV3 news, I am convince myself to express them here. How can I not be angry because as a human, that thing is something very shameful. And, it is not the way people think because it's like the animals. But, do these people forget that they have mind?. And do they forget that patience will lead to good things?.

So, my heart says that people are just like animals if they act without thinking. That is the reality and what is happening in this world and all that makes me ashamed to declare myself as human beings. It is because people in the past know how to use mind to the goodness. Unfortunately, today's people just only know how to use mind to do badness and damage over this world.

In fact, this is what I am trying to avoid. Unfortunately, rice has become porridge and there is nothing more can be done to remedy the situation. If I had the power to rule, of course I will use this power to change the world for goodness. But, who are me in the eyes of the world?. Oh God, I feel very sad with all this and I am afraid to confront it.

The question is, why do we need to destroy the peace that was built first?. Why do we need to blame someone rather than blame it on ourselves?. Why do we choose the split that will wage war until there is bloodshed of innocent people?. Actually, a lot of questions playing in my mind. But, all this will make these people who do not understand it, trying to cover my mouth from the truth.

However, I am confident that they will not be able to fight or prevent me from continuing to enlighten the world. I do not fear and trembling because I believe that the truth will find the victory. So, O man! stop all the animal nature, which had all of your soul. Release yourself from negative characteristics which should not be there. Remember the origin of yourself because it will make you sat and thought for a while.

And, do not think that this is the end because in the name of God the almighty one I was acting and because I love people, I dare to stand up and speak out towards the goodness. So, enough all of that. I am tired to see the violence and disunity. I am also tired of thinking about this world and I am human being just like you all. Death is always there and I might fall prey to it. And, I was afraid that my death will make this world getting worse. So, I hope that more people out there who love peaceful and are willing to fight for it.

One more thing, is not the harmony is a blessing infinite value?. So, you have the right to make choice. I do not mean these to a particular individuals. Not even to a particular community. In fact, not even to the leaders of the country. But, my words are directed to all people no matter how rich or poor someone. Remember that we are human beings endowed with minds. Simply, the way I think is different and it is because I love the goodness and positive things.

In addition, remember that all religions call for the goodness, and regardless of your religious beliefs. For example, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Catholic, and so on. In fact, even if you do not profess in any religion at all, naturally you would want the peaceful and tranquility and that's the instinct, or humanity in fact.

Actually, all this triggered by my mind after what I watch on television. The things that happen in Kuala Lumpur has made me angry. Although in the reality I am also a Malay, I feel very ashamed of their actions acting without thinking. All this will make Malaysia's good name was tarnished, and of course, will have an adverse impact especially to the tourism industry of the country.

Therefore, I expect it all was enough to give a useful lesson to the people and leaders of Malaysia and to make sure that this is not happen again in the future.

It's hard to think about the title.

2011-06-16T00:16:00.004+08:00

.:The actual date and times for this topic is on 11:11 pm (June 15, 2011).

The clock it was already late and about 49 minutes to be exact at 12:00 midnight. Actually, this is not what I want to tell. However, due to the 11:11, I have to insert it in here. It's very strange. Just that words that is able to get out of my mouth. Imagine, it has been three weeks this strange thing happened. If it happens only occasionally, it can be said as accidental. Unfortunately, it happens every day. So, what does this mean?.

Based on the information that I found says, the number 11:11 was referring to the consciousness of the individual about the truth of what happened to the world or known as 'universal awareness'. I am just a bit confused because if it considers to the human mind, of course something like this doesn't sound logical. But for spiritual people, of course this is considered as normal because they already knw the meaning.

But, why I have to go through all this. In fact, many people out there that never go through it. Only, I was a 'peace-loving' and when I was a kid, I have aspired to save this world from destruction. It is because I knew that something big will happen soon. For me, the period of 21 years is a very short time. That's why I use the word 'soon', even though I was still a child at the time.

I was feeling dizzy when I think about it. So, I choose to accept all this positively, may be it's true that the time is arrive for me to know the truth. And maybe this is the answer to all the questions that playing in my mind. Thus, ended the puzzle that accompanies my life since childhood and now that is the time where I need to be more mature than the mankind. Sometimes, I feel like I was thousands of years old and not the twenty-one years old. It's because I often misinterpreted by many people in the terms of age because the difference in my thinking.

Examples that happened, when I was 18 years old. They (secret) think that my age is thirty years old or more. And later in the year 2009. A woman sends a message to me in the 'online social website' where she wanted to know my real age. She thought that I was lying about my age and at that time I was 19 years old. It was because she had read one of the articles written by me. She said, the way I write my articles or opinions, like I have been married or adult.

If I think back, everything was quite funny. However, there is also the truth in their words. That's why I didn't have many friends because if I start a conversation, it was too high or far like the distance between the earth and the stars. Many are terrified to talk to me and at the same time, they will come to ask my opinion or advice. So, where I could help, I will help.

Thus, that its the end. Actually, I think all about this when I was sitting in the balcony. This night, the weather was rather cold and also drizzly rain, come bringing with blessings to all beings.

What happened to this world?.

2011-06-14T19:29:00.005+08:00

Motivation:

"The more we read the more that we can learn, And the more we learned the more we can practice in our daily lives".~Lyna~

Of course many people want to know why I said that. So, this is the answer, based on my observations, I found that so many intelligent people are getting away from their faith. The factor is that they do not practice the knowledge that they have with the best possible. So here's the result. Finally, was born a scientist who uses the knowledge that they have to become famous all over the world. While some of them also had dreams of being "God" in the true sense.

So, what makes them be like that?. These are the questions that are often played in my mind's box. Actually, I was looking for the cause of this problem which is getting worse. If it is not prevented right now, the world will be end. It is because of their fight to become the 'God'. And finally, due to the wrath of God, humanity will be destroyed. So, the question is what are the factors that make them so?.

If I want to say that they are 'stupid', surely the answer is no because they are very clever in presenting their theories. However, the reality is they are less intelligent about religious terms. It is just like they never learn about religions. Or, they feel it's difficult for them to explain the existence of God to the world. Are they forgotten that the new discoveries in science will lead them closer to the Almighty who created the universe and also them self?.

So, what can be said is that they are not 'smart', but they are 'stupid' and they are the same rank with the nation that has been termed as ignorance due to the lack of knowledge. The knowledge that is meant here is the knowledge of divinity. It is because the slightest about the god that they didn't know or don't want to take care.

In fact, me at the age of three years old have started to wonder about the universe. I ask all people. Who is created this world?. So, for the scientists and intellectuals people out there, you should be ashamed to yourself.

Now, I would dare to express an opinion or my dissatisfaction to the world. There is no more the term 'hiding the truth' in the dictionary of my life. I have to face the reality that the world is getting worse and I want to enlighten the world through my writing.

The conclusion is the most intelligent people examples: scientists, scholars, and others are deviated from the norm of humanity. So, we should work together in the enlighten the world and ourselves about this reality if we don't want to see the destruction in the future. And, we must accept the fact that 'God' is starting to get angry to people because of the damage that they are doing on this earth.

Advice: From land we came and to land we will be returned. So, there is no point if you're trying to be god.

Who have thought that I was still alive.

2011-04-27T11:45:00.006+08:00

Thanks God for giving me a very long life. Finally, I can put it in here to share with everyone.

I chose the title "Who would have thought that I was still alive". Why I choose this title?. You must be wondering. So, I have an explanation. It happened on 15 April 2011 on Friday.

On that day, the weather is quite windy and I did not think that something bad will happen. It happened on that day, there are guest who cme to my house and she brought some food for my family. So, we eat together. On that day, I eat a lot because it was a long time I didn't eat the delicious food.

After my stomach was filled with food, then I went to my room to relax my stomach that been working hard to process the incoming food. After feeling a little lighter, I go to the balcony to enjoy the night air. At that time, I can feel the cold air at night that touched my skin. Ahh .. I can feel the freshness that can not be expressed with words. For a while I sat there in relaxing watching the beautiful sky at night.

What's more, the stars in the sky looked so beautiful. Suddenly, I began to feel uncomfortable, that is difficulty to breathing. I tried to breathe the best that I can. But the more I try, I'll be more tired and almost to faint. After that, I started coughing and I knew that I had an asthma attack. It's severe asthma attack.

Without wasting time, I stood up and then go to my mother's room and I told her what is happening. So, with the help of my neighbor, I was rushed to the hospital at 11:15 pm. There, doctors and nurses tried their best to save my life. After several hours, my condition worsened and eventually I had to be sent to Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah in the red zone, emergency unit.

There, they make me look like I'm a robot or hybrid because my whole body is filled with tubes. Then, I was injected everywhere and it doesn't change as human test subject. My blood was taken every minute. Although I am in a weakened state, I can still feel the pain of injection that made by them on me.

Then, they put the oxygen mask on me so I can breathe properly and easily. At that time, I could feel a strange feeling when surrounded by many doctors and nurses.

In the meantime, I can hear the conversation between the doctor and my mother. The doctor said, my condition is very severe and if nothing changes, I need to intubate and put in the ICU. I myself was surprised by what I heard. After several hours in the emergency room, my condition stabilized and finally I was sent to the ward.

So, what can be said is..... I had to sit overnight in the emergency unit, the red zone. And, caused by severe asthma attack, I have to stay in the hospital from 15 April 2011 until 23 April 2011.

Every experience will motivate me.

2011-04-27T09:58:00.003+08:00

26 April 2011(Tuesday)

After what I went through in my life, I had to make a final decision. So, I chose to live as long as possible. I hold these words: "Work like you'll live forever, and worship as you will die tomorrow."

So, no more word problem in the dictionary of my life. As Dr Tuah Iskandar said:

"Assume that problem as a golden opportunity for us to be more successful in the future". Thus, the disease that I suffer is not a problem for me to get ahead like everyone else.

Although the opportunity to continue my studies is gone, I'm not upset with all that because I can still build my own career in business. I might be successful as a "business women". And ... even so, I will continue to seek knowledge as much as possible although I have not set my foot in the University.

In my opinion, sincerity in seeking knowledge is more important than a degree if the knowledge is not used properly.

Age are not a barrier to seek the knowledge. In the past I have often complained about my life, but now I'm more excited and motivated to face the bitterness and sweetness in life. In conclusion, the experience in life will mature a person in preparation to face the future.

THE NIGHTMARE! Nightmare makes my sleep disrupted.

2011-04-12T01:05:00.005+08:00

Ahhhh ... I feel very sleepy. But, I'm scared to sleep because I often visited by a nightmare. Often associated with medical procedures performed on me. Every time I try to wake up from sleep, I will not be successful.

So, what should I do. I've been keep this problem in my head and I could not endure it anymore. I think I should put all my problems in this blog. At least, it can alleviate my problems. It has been a long time I suffered with this problem.

Although I often through medical procedures in my life, I was able to deal with it. But, if it comes in my dreams, it is terrible because I could not escape from it all. Even if I yell for help, no one can help me because I am trapped in a dream world.

One day, I've been dreaming about surgical Procedures. It is, surgery to remove my kidney. They said that my kidney are not functioning and should be removed immediately ( surgeons in my dream). I think it was just a nightmare. So, I don't care about those things because I never suffer from kidney disease.

Until one day, I feel too weak and tired. I also started having urinating problems. Because I worry that if something happens on my kidneys, so I went to hospital for treatment. After that, the doctor confirmed that my left kidney are not functioning. Then, the doctor decided to remove my left kidney because it gives me problem. I often have UTI.

After that I started to remember back about my dream. It's a reality. So, what can be said that I'm still having nightmare involving a medical procedures. The difference is it's very painful. I just hope that one day all the nightmares will be gone forever and I can feel the deep sleep like others.

I was feeling sleepy right now and I need to sleep because tomorrow I have an appointment with a chest specialist. So, see you tomorrow. Welcome nightmare.. Waa Waa Waa... I'm scared..

My medication.

2011-03-29T17:25:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone! Today I want to tell you about my medications. Actually, I'm running out of ideas. So, this only one that I can put in my blog.

As you can see in the picture above, It is about eight types of drugs. Four of them are in tablets (Prednisolone, Loratadine, Singulair and Theophylline) . While the others are inhalers (Oxis, Pulmicort and Ventolin). And.. the other is a nasal spray for allergy rhinitis.

So, that's my daily food and saving my life. If I missed one of them, my life is in danger because I suffer from severe asthma. My life is dependent on medication. Once day, I was lazy to take my drugs and I finally had to admit to the ward because of severe asthma attack.

The incident was enough to give a lesson to me. I don't want to go through it anymore. It felt like my life would end at any time. At that time, I can't breathe like someone was trying to drown me.

So, my advice to anyone who is lazy to take medications, don't be late. If you are instructed to take your medications, follow your doctor's instructions properly. So, you will be safe.

For your information, the picture above is only half of my medications. The other is not shown here. It's Vit B and Calcium(supplements). I need to take Vit B Complex because I have Thalassemia Intermedia and if my Haemoglobin is very low, I need blood transfusion. About the calcium, I have to take it because I was dependent on steroids(Prednisolone). Thus, the side effects of taking steroids is osteoporosis (Bone thinning).

HOSPITAL!

2011-03-28T14:06:00.005+08:00

Good afternoon . Today I have a story to share with everyone. The story like this. Prior to this, indeed I have an appointment with a specialist. So, the date is today.

Like other days, I wake up late. However, today I woke up slightly early at 9:30 am. I woke up from sleep because can't stand the noise from my neighbor's house. Coincidentally today is the appointment with the doctor at 11:00 am. So, it's good when my neighbor making noise. At least, I have not missed an appointment with a specialist.

Now I want to tell you what happened at the hospital. Actually, nothing too bad happened. Only, the story between me and my doctor. When I think back, today of course I need to stay in the ward. It is because, when the doctor examined me, she found that my health condition is not so good.

Usually, if a doctor give an opinion, I would agree without dispute it. But this time I had to reject the opinion of my doctor because I just discharged from ward for three weeks(Surgical remove the kidney/Nephrectomy). So, I want to spend my time with resting at home. Luckily my doctor was understanding. She let me rest at home with a condition, I have to take medication as it is directed by doctor. It is not a problem for me.

So, I can tell the story in my blog and can be read by everyone. This is the result. Oh!. Of course you're wondering about the surgery. I'll tell you what happened on the 5th march. But not this time because I will post it on other day. So, I hope we can meet again and if I have free time this evening, I'll tell in here.

Fossil rock.

2011-03-27T16:03:00.005+08:00

You can see fossils of shells that are still on this rock.

The stone is wrapped in plastic to protect it from damage.

Hi everyone.

Today I want to tell about a rock that I found in a few years ago. It is not a normal rock. However, it is a fossil or sedimentary rock known as organic. The year this stone was found is in 2007 when I was 17 years old. It has been found on the island of Langkawi. I and my brothers there for a holiday.

If you want to know the actual place where the stone is, I would tell little about the place. The place was almost a bit isolated because not many people who go there. The path is relatively small and surrounded by big trees and looks a bit scary. The atmosphere is fairly quiet and there is a lake along the road.

When told about the lake, this is where the stone was found. The stone was found in the lake and before the stone was discovered, something strange happens when a calm lake water is rough like a big creature that lives in it. So, the incident was witnessed by me and my younger brother.

Then seen by me and my younger brother, a creature about 25 feet in length. On the back of the creature there was a sharp thorns. Because we are too scared, so me and my brother kept running toward the car and leaving the place.

At that time, my older brother is not aware of it because he is resting in the car. Meanwhile, I and my brother playing on the edge of the lake. About the rock, my brother who discovered and gave it to me because he knows that I am a fossil hunter.

So long we(me and my brother) keep these things from the public. During that we live in fear. So, today I decided to spread this to the public. Sometimes, I wonder what is the actual age of this rock?. I know that the rock(fossil) formed thousands of years ago. So, what is the relation between the stone(fossil) and the creature that live in the lake?. Are they the same age?.

So, I really want to know the exact age of these rock. Of course it was a great conference. That's my hope. Moreover, long I keep this stone in my house. So, it's good if the stone is transferred to the person who can study it in more detail.

AKU TAKUT & KELIRU!

2011-03-26T17:14:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Good Evening for everyone.

Hari ini, aku rasa pelik sangat-sangat. Sebabnya, aku dalam keadaan yang agak tertekan sekarang. Bukan tertekan tanpa sebab musabab, tetapi oleh sebab-sebab yang sangat jelas yang tidak perlu dihuraikan dengan terperinci lagi.

Cuma, aku rasa benci dengan hidup aku (bukan benci sangat. Sikit... jer). Aku benci masuk alam dewasa kerana alam dewasa agak membosankan. Jauh berbeza kalau nak dibandingkan dengan zaman kanak-kanak yang penuh dengan saat yang indah. Dalam zaman kanak-kanak, tiada peraturan yang ketat sebab aku hidup dalam dunia aku yang penuh dengan imaginasi (bebas sangat-sangat seperti seekor burung yang terbang bebas diudara).

Aku bebas berimaginasi dimana sahaja dan saat yang paling menyeronokan ialah apabila dilayan mesra oleh semua orang. Selain itu, aku rindukan zaman dimana aku dan rakan-rakan yang lain sama-sama membina rumah atas pokok. Apabila membuat kerja bersama-sama, rasa penat pun tidak akan terasa (hilang seperti debu yang ditiup angin). Memang itulah yang aku rindukan selama ini.

Walaupun kini aku sudah berusia 21 tahun, di dalam diri aku atau pun luar(fizikal) ku tidak ubah seperti keanak-anakan.

Kalau pada usiaku kini, orang lain sudah mula berfikir untuk bercinta, hidup berumah tangga, bekerja dan sebagainya, aku pula masih dalam duniaku. Maksudnya, aku sedang mencari identitiku yang sebenarnya. Aku cuma keliru dalam membuat pilihan samada untuk menjadi dewasa atau kekal sebagai kanak-kanak.

Aku takut untuk berdepan dengan masa depanku. Dan..... apabila difikir-fikirkan kembali, aku dapati separuh daripada diriku sudah matang lagaknya seperti orang dewasa. Manakala, separuh lagi masih dalam dunia keanak-anakan (suka sangat berkhayal/berimaginasi).

Kalau orang lain yang seusia denganku ataupun yang lebih tua daripada-Ku bercerita tentang alam perkahwinan, aku akan cuba menghindarkan diri daripada semua itu. Bagi aku, bercinta dan berkahwin amat menyusahkan (itu pendapat aku. Bukan semua orang yang berfikir seperti itu. Lain orang, lain cara berfikirnya.) Aku lebih tertarik untuk hidup membujang buat selama-lamanya. (Berkahwin hanya untuk mengelakkan daripada maksiat bermaharajalela. Jadi, Islam ada caranya yang tersendiri. Jika tidak mampu berkahwin, bolehlah berpuasa kerana berpuasa itu dapat mencegah semua itu daripada berlaku.)

"Seperti seorang kanak-kanak yang baharu hendak mengenali dan meneroka dunia, mereka sentiasa dahagakan ilmu pengetahuan".

Itulah perumpamaan yang sesuai dalam menggambarkan diri aku. Aku sentiasa dahagakan ilmu dan oleh sebab itulah aku membuat pilihan untuk hidup membujang supaya aku boleh mempelajari sebanyak mungkin ilmu yang ada.

Jika sudah berkahwin, sudah tentu aku akan sibuk dalam menguruskan rumah tangga. Jadi, aku tiada masa untuk mengejar ilmu (ini adalah pendapat aku dan aku ada sebab untuk menjelaskannya). Hmmm, aku rasa cukuplah setakat ini sahaja yang boleh aku kongsikan dengan diri dan orang lain.

" Semoga para pembaca tidak salah faham dalam membuat gambaran tentang diri saya kerana ini hanyalah luahan perasaan semata-mata dan diharapkan agar semua ilmu yang ada dapat dimanfaatkan dengan sebaik-baiknya"

TERIMA KASIH

To all of my friends!

2011-02-28T00:41:00.001+08:00

I apologize from all of my friends.

Actually, I don't know how to begin my words. So, I feel better if I summarize it. I ask for forgiveness from you all and I hope our friendship will remain forever.

I don't look like what you think because I am suffering from various chronic diseases. So, last week, I met with my doctor and she decided to make the surgery on me.

So, I decided to not online for a period of time. Because, I need rest before the surgery performed on me. Hope you all don't misunderstand with me.

The surgery will be done next week, on 7 March 2011. So, I hope everything will go smoothly. And ... I hope we meet again in the future.

So, here I want to say goodbye to you all and I love my friends.

Tanda-tanda kematian semakin hampir.

2011-01-29T19:39:00.001+08:00

100 hari sebelum mati

Ini adalah tanda pertama dari Allah SWT kepada hambanya dan hanya
akan disedari oleh mereka-mereka yang dikehendakinya.
Walaubagaimanapun semua orang Islam akan mendapat tanda ini cuma
samada mereka sedar atau tidak sahaja. Tanda ini akan berlaku
lazimnya selepas waktu Asar. Seluruh tubuh iaitu dari hujung rambut
sehingga ke hujung kaki akan mengalami getaran atau seakan-akan
mengigil.
Contohnya seperti daging lembu yang baru disembelih dimana jika
diperhatikan dengan teliti kita akan mendapati daging tersebut
seakan-akan bergetar. Tanda ini rasanya lazat dan bagi mereka sedar
dan berdetik di hati bahawa mungkin ini adalah tanda mati maka
getaran ini akan berhenti dan hilang setelah kita sedar akan
kehadiran tanda ini. Bagi mereka yang tidak diberi kesedaran atau
mereka yang hanyut dengan kenikmatan tanpa memikirkan soal
kematian , tanda ini akan lenyap begitu sahaja tanpa sebarang
munafaat. Bagi yang sedar dengan kehadiran tanda ini maka ini adalah
peluang terbaik untuk memunafaatkan masa yang ada untuk
mempersiapkan diri dengan amalan dan
urusan yang akan dibawa atau ditinggalkan sesudah mati.

40 hari sebelum hari mati

Tanda ini juga akan berlaku sesudah waktu Asar. Bahagian pusat kita
akan berdenyut-denyut. Pada ketika ini daun yang tertulis nama kita
akan gugur dari pokok yang letaknya di atas Arash Allah SWT. Maka
malaikat maut akan mengambil daun tersebut dan mula membuat
persediaannya ke atas kita antaranya ialah ia akan mula mengikuti
kita sepanjang masa. Akan terjadi malaikat maut ini akan
memperlihatkan wajahnya sekilas lalu dan jika ini terjadi, mereka
yang terpilih ini akan merasakan seakan-akan bingung seketika.
Adapun malaikat maut ini wujudnya cuma seorang tetapi kuasanya untuk
mencabut nyawa adalah bersamaan dengan jumlah nyawa yang akan
dicabutnya.

7 hari

Adapun tanda ini akan diberikan hanya kepada mereka yang diuji dengan
musibah kesakitan di mana orang sakit yang tidak makan secara tiba-
tiba ianya berselera untuk makan.

3 hari

Pada ketika ini akan terasa denyutan di bahagian tengah dahi kita
iaitu diantara dahi kanan dan kiri. Jika tanda ini dapat dikesan maka
berpuasalah kita selepas itu supaya perut kita tidak mengandungi banyak najis
dan ini akan memudahkan urusan orang yang akan memandikan kita nanti. Ketika
ini juga mata hitam kita tidak akan bersinar lagi dan bagi orang yang
sakit hidungnya akan perlahan-lahan jatuh dan ini dapat dikesan jika kita
melihatnya dari bahagian sisi. Telinganya akan layu dimana bahagian
hujungnya akan beransur-ansur masuk ke dalam. Telapak kakinya yang
terlunjur akan perlahan-lahan jatuh ke depan dan sukar ditegakkan.

1 hari
Akan berlaku sesudah waktu Asar di mana kita akan merasakan satu
denyutan di sebelah belakang iaitu di kawasan ubun-ubun di mana ini
menandakan kita tidak akan sempat untuk menemui waktu Asar keesokan harinya.
Tanda akhir
Akan berlaku keadaan di mana kita akan merasakan satu keadaan sejuk
dibahagian pusat dan ianya akan turun ke pinggang dan seterusnya akan
naik kebahagian halkum. Ketika ini hendaklah kita terus mengucap kalimah
syahadah dan berdiam diri dan menantikan kedatangan malaikat maut untuk
menjemput kita kembali kepada Allah SWT yang telah menghidupkan kita dan
sekarang akan mematikan pula.

PENUTUP

Sesungguhnya marilah kita bertaqwa dan berdoa kepada Allah SWT
semuga kita adalah di antara orang-orang yang yang dipilih oleh Allah yang akan
diberi kesedaran untuk peka terhadap tanda-tanda mati ini semoga kita dapat
membuat persiapan terakhir dalam usaha memohon keampunan samada dari
Allah SWT mahupun dari manusia sendiri dari segala dosa dan urusan hutang
piutang kita. Walau bagaimanapun sesuai dengan sifat Allah SWT yang maha
berkuasa lagi pemurah lagi maha mengasihani maka diriwatkan bahawa tarikh mati
seseorang manusia itu masih boleh diubah dengan amalan doa iaitu
samada doa dari kita sendiri ataupun doa dari orang lain. Namun ianya adalah
ketentuan Allah SWT semata-mata.
Oleh itu marilah kita bersama-sama berusaha dan berdoa semuga kita
diberi hidayah dan petunjuk oleh Allah SWT serta kelapangan masa dan
kesihatan tubuh badan dan juga fikiran dalam usaha kita untuk mencari
keredhaan Allah SWT samada di dunia mahupun akhirat.
Apa yang baik dan benar itu datangnya dari Allah SWT dan apa yang
salah dan silap itu adalah dari kelemahan manusia itu sendiri.
WALLAHUA`LAM
Moga-moga setiap kita dan keluarga diampuni Allah dan diberkati
hidup dan mati hingga dapat mempersiap sediakan bekalan untuk hari kemudian
kita. Bacalah kandungan ini agar dapat menjadi ingatan kita semua.
Insyallah mulalah bertaubat, yang masih malas sembahyang ubah sikap umur kita
semakin hari semakin meningkat. Rezeki dicari biarlah betul-betul halal.
Biar sesal dahulu jangan sesal kemudian. Saya berpesan kepada diri
saya sendiri dan berharap saudara saya semua begitu juga. Cubalah
kita ingat mengingat sesama kita selagi mampu.

******* BILA MALAIKAT MENCABUT NYAWA *******

Baginda Rasullullah S.A.W. bersabda :

“Apabila telah sampai ajal seseorang itu maka akan masuklah satu kumpulan malaikat ke dalam lubang-lubang kecil dalam badan dan kemudian mereka menarik rohnya melalui kedua-dua telapak kakinya sehingga sampai ke lutut. Setelah itu datang pula sekumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk menarik roh dari lutut hingga sampai ke perut dan kemudiannya mereka keluar. Datang lagi satu kumpulan malaikat yang lain masuk dan menarik rohnya dari perut hingga sampai ke dada dan kemudiannya mereka keluar. Dan akhir sekali datang lagi satu kumpulan malaikat masuk dan menarik roh dari dadanya hingga sampai ke kerongkong dan itulah yang dikatakan saat nazak orang itu.”
Sambung Rasullullah S.A.W. lagi :

“Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang yang beriman, maka malaikat Jibrail A.S akan menebarkan sayapnya yang disebelah kanan sehingga orang yang nazak itu dapat melihat kedudukannya di syurga. Apabila orang yang beriman itu melihat syurga, maka dia akan lupa kepada orang yang berada disekelilingnya. Ini adalah kerana sangat rindunya pada syurga dan melihat terus pandangannya kepada sayap Jibrail A.S”.

“Kalau orang yang nazak itu orang munafik, maka Jibrail A.S akan menebarkan sayap disebelah kiri. Maka orang itu tidak lagi melihat orang disekelilingnya. Ini adalah kerana terlalu takutnya apabila melihat neraka yang akan menjadi tempat tinggalnya.”

Dari sebuah hadis bahawa apabila Allah S.W.T. menghendaki seorang mukmin itu dicabut nyawanya maka datanglah malaikat maut. Apabila malaikat maut hendak mencabut roh orang mukmin itu dari arah mulut maka keluarlah zikir dari mulut orang mukmin itu dengan berkata :

“Tidak ada jalan bagimu mencabut roh orang ini melalui jalan ini kerana orang ini sentiasa menjadikan lidahnya berzikir kepada Allah S.W.T.”

Setelah malaikat maut mendengar penjelasan itu, maka dia pun kembali kepada Allah S.W.T. dan menjelaskan apa yang diucapkan o! leh lida h orang mukmin itu. Lalu Allah S.W.T. berfirman yang bermaksud :
“Wahai malaikat maut, kamu cabutlah rohnnya dari arah lain.”
Sebaik sahaja malaikat maut mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T. maka malaikat maut pun cuba mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan. Tapi keluarlah sedekah dari arah tangan orang mukmin itu, keluarlah usapan kepala anak-anak yatim dan keluarlah penulisan ilmu.
Maka berkata tangan :
Tidak ada jalan bagimu untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah ini, tangan ini telah mengeluarkan sedekah, tangan ini menusap kepala anak-anak yatim dan tangan ini menulis ilmu pengetahuan.”

Oleh kerana malaikat maut gagal untuk mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah tangan, maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah kaki. Malangnya malaikat maut juga gagal melakukan sebab kaki berkata :
“Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana kaki ini sentiasa berjalan berulang alik menghadiri majlis-majlis ilmu.”

Apabila gagal malaikat maut, mencabut roh orang mukmin dari arah kaki, maka malaikat maut cuba pula dari arah telinga. Sebaik sahaja malaikat maut menghampiri telinga maka telinga pun berkata :
“Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana telinga ini sentiasa mendengar bacaan Al-Quran dan zikir.”

Akhir sekali malaikat maut cuba mencabut orang mukmin ini dari arah mata tetapi baru sahaja hendak menghampiri mata, maka berkata mata :
“Tidak ada jalan bagimu dari arah ini kerana mata ini sentiasa menangis kerana takutkan Allah.”

Setelah gagal maka malaikat maut kembali kepada Allah S.W.T. Kemudian Allah S.W.T berfirman yang bermaksud :
“Wahai malaikatku, tulis Asmaku ditelapak tanganmu dan tunjukkan kepada roh orang yang beriman itu.”

Sebaik sahaja mendapat perintah Allah S.W.T maka malaikat maut menghampiri roh orang itu dan menunjukkan Asma Allah S.W.T. Sebaik sahaja melihat Asma Allah dan cintanya kepada Allah S.W.T maka keluarlah roh tersebut dari arah mulut dengan tenang. Abu Bakar R.A telah ditanya tentang kemana roh pergi setelah ia keluar dari jasad. Maka berkata Abu Bakar R.A : “Roh itu menuju ketujuh tempat :-

1. Roh para Nabi dan utusan menuju ke syurga Adnin.
2. Roh para ulama menuju ke syurga Firdaus
3. Roh mereka yang berbahagia menuju ke Syurga Illiyyina.
4. Roh para shuhada berterbangan seperti burung di syurga mengikut kehendak mereka.
5. Roh para mukmin yang berdosa akan tergantung di udara tidak di bumi dan tidak di langit sampai hari kiamat.
6. Roh anak-anak orang yang beriman akan berada di gunung dari minyak misik.
7. Roh orang-orang kafir akan berada dalam neraka.

Si Jin, mereka diseksa beserta jasadnya hingga sampai hari kiamat.”
Telah bersabda Rasullullah S.A.W. :
Tiga kelompok manusia yang akan dijabat tangannya oleh para malaikat pada hari mereka keluar dari kuburnya :-

1. Orang-orang yang mati syahid.
2. Orang-orang yanf mengerjakan solat malam dalam bulan ramadhan.
3. Orang-orang berpuasa di hari Arafah.

Sekian untuk ingatan bersama.
Wassallam.

DEAR MY FRIENDS

2011-01-25T18:47:00.002+08:00

O my friend. How are you?. Long time I did not ask you. Are you OK or sick?.

I often feel sad when away from you. Although we never met, I can feel an attraction between us. I hope you're still my friend.

Even if we break one day, I hope you still recognize me. I could not be sure why these words came out well in my mind. I hope someday I will leave you in good condition. Without any feeling of envy in us.

So, dear friend. Forgive me if I have make a mistake on you. Don't hate me because I want you to know that I love you. Goodbye my dear friends.

What has happened before.

2011-01-10T20:11:00.002+08:00

The story I want to say here is actually dated 6 December 2010 to 10 December 2010.

Actually, the date or period of time, I was hospitalized because of "severe asthma attack." I don't know how long this story because I made it freely. That is according to what is stored in the brain or the box of my mind.

6 December 2010:

It all happened suddenly and it is quite surprising because I did not think would be hospitalized again. Approximately at 6:00 pm, I ate dinner in the kitchen and after touching food I started feeling uncomfortable. I was coughing non stop and then I started having difficulty breathing.

But, I don't think all that will get worse. Additionally, I think all of that may be caused by allergic reactions that affect me. So, I take anti-histamine and hope these problems will go away. Then, I use my inhaler. Even after one hour, these problems don't go away and shortness of breath becomes worse.

So, at 8:00 pm I decided to tell my parents that I should go to hospital immediately. Without delay, I rushed to the emergency unit, and there I was given a "Nebulizer" for emergency treatment. After a few times I was given Neb, my condition is still the same and getting worse.

Finally, the doctor had to make a final decision. Which I have been hospitalized for intensive treatment. But before that the doctor want to make sure that I was in stable condition. So, I had to stay overnight at the emergency room. There, I was observed and treated for 24 hours. After my condition stabilized, the next day on 7 December 2010, I moved into the ward and given immediate treatment (Nebulizer, IV Hydrocort and IV antibiotics).

After several days in the hospital, my condition has improved and finally on 10 December 2010, I was allowed to return home and that is why I have not update this blog for a long time. However, I am grateful to have recovered and can return home. I hope all of you faithful waiting for the next story and that is my life day by day. For me the hospital like a second home because..... the only place I can go.

A story for this morning.

2010-12-02T07:28:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Good morning everyone.

How ur sleep last night?. I hope you get a beautiful dream. Hmm ... These days a lot of things I want to share with you all. So, are you ready to listen. If you are ready to listen, it is very good.

This morning I will start with the weather here. This morning was very cold and I had to close the fan because I can not stand the feeling of cold that pierced the bone. However, I still can not avoid it. So, let's forget about the cold and let us start a new life story for today.

Actually, today is probably a boring day for me because, as always, I am just alone in my room with writing or drawing. So, you all would already know what my activities in the early morning. Of course the answer is I'm writing in this blog. Don't get angry because it just to cheer you in the morning.

Actually, I feel very sleepy because I did not sleep all night. No matter what I tried to do, it is still like that because I suffer from insomnia. So, no wonder if those who live with me will hear a strange noise every night. Maybe they will remember the sound that indicates the presence of a stranger who tried to rob their house. Hahaha ... maybe for you it is not funny. It's okay. I did not ask you to laugh or whatever. I try to hope that you fully understand what is written in my blog.

But, that is the real Right?. Many people who consider a strange noise at night think it's a bad things and it has become such a necessity in a community. For me, it was a very good thing because it makes us constantly in a state of caution. That is the uniqueness of each human. Ops! Actually this morning I did not want to talk about it. Only, when it comes to my mind, and spontaneously, my hands are typing on this blog. So, please forgive me. But, maybe things like this quite interesting for you because it is such an entertainment. Hmm .. why not. In fact, every man needs entertainment. No matter what way: reading, singing, writing, and so forth. It includes the form of entertainment.

Okay, I want to tell you a bit of noise at night. Ever there was a mistake or misunderstanding in my family one day. It all started because of me. For a reminder once again, I suffer from insomnia and were recognized by my doctor. So, on a night such as usual, I will face my laptop while surfing the Internet. Usually, I prefer to learn by online. Include, reading about science, philosophy, and so forth. It all started in the midnight when everyone is sleeping soundly.

While being comfortable surfing the Internet, my Internet connection suddenly broken, and this makes me angry. But, I tried to control my anger. So, I lift a heavy table and placed beside my bed to put my laptop. It is possible to avoid the problem because my laptop is very sensitive. As I did not expect, it happened again and this makes me very angry. So, I knocked on the table with my hands. This surprised my parents and I heard noise outside my room like someone who is talking. So, I'm out of my room to find out what really happened. I only see my mother like waiting for something.

She told me that she and my father heard a noise. So, my father go down to find out what really happened. Finally I had to tell them the truth that the noise is actually caused by me. My fate is very good because I was not punished by my parents. After everything is settled, I went into my room and laughed because when my father went up, he was holding the torch while wearing a piece of cloth. What I imagine is .... if there are robbers, of course my father will face a big problem. How to fight when he dressed like that. Just a piece of cloth?. So, think yourself.

So, maybe that is the story what I can share with you all. Aha ... Don't get angry because it is not over yet. I will share with you all a very good thing. But not in this blog. I'll post it in another blog "Adding Knowledge." So, don't forget to read it. Eh! ... for your attention, not this morning because I will post later in the evening. I hope you can join me later. See ya...

I need help from you all.

2010-11-30T04:10:00.004+08:00

Actually, I don;t know what is wrong with me. I'm just confused. Yes! That's the appropriate word at this time. I hope you all can understand the words. Soul, mind and my physical in stress situations and I am sure that no one can help me this time. Therefore, to eliminate feelings of depression, I just follow what my mind want.

So, I spent a lot of time in the room by drawing and writing. Sometimes, when I look at my paintings, I, myself feel the fear and confusion in the painting. But, maybe it was a message to be delivered out by my mind.

So I can only continue with all the activity. At least it can relieve my stress. Only, I feel like someday I will find the cause of my problem. But I fear if the cause is something terrible to know. So, I just remain patient until now. So when I have to be patient and wait?. I don't know the answer. What I doubt is, all the answers stored in my mind and I know that its trying the best to tell me.

How blessed I am, if someone can help me. But who is that person?. I've lost my direction and in a deadlock. I only expect help from someone. What I expect is that the expression of my heart is read around the world. Again my request. Please help me. I'll tell you later via e-mail if you really want to help me. So, contact me via e-mail.

JENNY-KU

2010-11-15T20:13:00.005+08:00

Rasa sedih dalam diri ini tidak boleh dibendung lagi apabila saya dipisahkan dengan kucing saya yang bernama "Jenny". Saya tidak sangka ibubapa saya sekejam ini. Sanggup mereka memisahkan "Jenny" daripada hidup saya.

Sebenarnya, Jenny adalah kucing yang saya sayangi seperti seorang adik. Dia banyak mengembirakan saya tidak kiralah samada saya kesedihan atau sebaliknya. Dia banyak menemani saya ketika saya kesunyian. Bagi saya, hanya Jenny yang dapat memahami diri saya kerana saya juga dapat memahaminya.

Semuanya bermula apabila ayah saya menendang anak Jenny iaitu Jerry sehinggakan ia jatuh sakit. Oleh sebab itu, ibu saya memberikan kepada saya dua pilihan. Iaitu kucing-kucing saya perlu dibuang atau diberi kepada orang lain yang boleh memelihara kucing-kucing ini dengan baik. Kejamnya kerana tiada pilihan lain yang diberikan kepada saya.

Jadi, saya terpaksa memilih supaya kucing saya dipelihara oleh orang lain. Maksudnya, saya terpaksa berpisah dengan mereka(kucing) buat selama-lamanya. Pada hari Jenny dipisahkan daripada saya, seluruh tubuh saya lemah dan tidak bermaya kerana selama ini Jenny memberikan tenaga serta semangat untuk meneruskan kehidupan.

Sekarang, sudah hampir dua bulan saya tidak bertemu Jenny dan anak-anaknya. Saya rindukan mereka dan saya rindu melihat anak-anak Jenny bermain seperti dahulu. Saya juga rindukan panggilan Jenny yang sentiasa meminta tolong daripada saya apabila dia memerlukan saya. Saya juga sangat rindukan saat kami masih bersama dahulu.

Walauapapun yang berlaku, saya tidak akan lupakan Jenny. Biarpun dia berada jauh daripada saya, dia tetap berada dihati saya. Dia tetap dihati saya buat selama-lamanya. Saya harap, suatu hari nanti saya akan diberikan peluang kali kedua untuk bertemu dan memeluknya sebelum saya menghembuskan nyawa yang terakhir.

"JENNY! BAU-MU SANGAT MENYENANGKAN AKU DAN KEHADIRAN-MU MENGUBATI SEGALA MASALAH DALAM HIDUP-KU. TAPI, SAYANGNYA KITA DIPISAHKAN OLEH MAKHLUK YANG BERNAMA MANUSIA. JENNY! JANGAN KAU LUPAKAN AKU KERANA AKU SENTIASA MENGINGATI-MU DIDALAM HATI-KU".

Jenny telah melahirkan banyak ekor anak dan hanya lima ekor sahaja yang masih hidup iaitu, Baby Alda(putih), Jerry(putih), Garfield(orange), dan dua ekor lagi tidak sempat dinamakan kerana mereka diambil ketika masih bayi.

I lost a friend!

2010-11-15T20:04:00.003+08:00

ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

Hari ini, tidak banyak yang boleh saya katakan kerana saya baru sahaja kehilangan seorang sahabat. Jadi, saya hanya ingin mendedikasikan lagu ini buat sahabat saya yang telah terlebih dahulu dijempu oleh Allah S.W.T.

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama dengan orang-orang yang beriman didalam syurga. Amin..

Ujian itu merupakan satu rahmat bagi yang memahaminya.

2010-08-04T16:43:00.004+08:00

Asssalamualaikum w.b.t..

Pertama sekali, saya ingin memohon maaf kepada rakan-rakan semua kerana tidak bertanyakan khabar daripada anda. Itu bukan bermaksud saya sudah melupakan anda ataupun saya seorang yang "sombong". Cuma keadaan kesihatan yang tidak mengizinkan saya berbuat demikian. Apa yang boleh dikatakan ialah bulan lepas begitu banyak perkara yang berlaku dalam hidup saya dan kalau hendak diceritakan, pasti tidak akan ada penghujungnya. Walaubagaimanapun, saya akan cuba memendekkan cerita agar boleh dikongsi bersama anda.

Pada 3/7/2010, merupakan hari pendaftaran semula pelajar di UiTM Arau, Perlis mengikut kolej masing-masing. Alhamdulillah, segala urusan berjalan dengan lancar tanpa ada halangannya. Hati pun turut rasa gembira kerana dapat berjumpa semula dengan rakan-rakan lama. Tetapi, kegembiraan itu tidak berkekalan kerana ada halangan yang sedang menanti di hadapan saya. Apa yang boleh dikatakan ialah saya sempat mengikuti kuliah selama dua minggu sahaja kerana Allah sudah merancang hidup saya. Dalam tempoh dua minggu itu, saya jatuh sakit dan akhirnya saya terpaksa membuat keputusan pulang ke kampung untuk mendapatkan rawatan. Akhirnya, pada 17/7/2010, saya dibawa pulang kerumah dan pada hari yang sama saya terus dibawa ke Kedah Medical Centre (KMC) untuk mendapatkan rawatan bagi penyakit saya ini.

Di sana, doktor melakukan ujian Ultra Sound untuk kedua-dua belah buah pinggang saya dan keputusannya agak mengejutkan kerana kedua-dua buah pinggang saya bermasalah. Buah pinggang kiri kecil ataupun sudah mengecut. Manakala, buat pinggang kanan pula membengkak mungkin disebabkan oleh UTI atau dikenali sebagai Urinary Tract Infections. Selain itu, doktor memberitahu saya bahawa buah pinggang kiri yang terlalu kecil mungkin dan tidak dapat lagi berfungsi dengan normal dan ini membuatkan seluruh fungsi buah pinggang bergantung kepada buah pinggang kanan. Jadi, doktor memberikan kepada saya ubat antibiotic dan ubat tahan sakit untuk dimakan.

Malang tidak berbau kerana selepas saya memakan ubat yang diberikan oleh doktor , secara tiba-tiba saya mendapat Asthma attack. Jadi, pada malam itu saya tidak dapat tidur dengan nyenyak kerana kesesakan nafas dan batuk yang tidak henti-henti. Oleh itu, saya membuat keputusan untuk pergi ke hospital pada keesokan harinya. Sesampai sahaja di Bilik Kecemasan, saya terus diberikan rawatan segera iaitu Nebulizer. Selain itu, kadar SPO2 saya juga di ambil perhatian. Oleh kerana bacaan SPO2 saya yang tidak normal iaitu 84%, saya terpaksa memakai topeng oksigen untuk membantu saya bernafas dengan normal. Selepas itu, Neb yang kedua dan seterusnya diberi kepada saya. Jumlahnya ialah 7 kali Neb dan keadaan saya masih sama. Tidak ada tanda-tanda bahawa saya akan pulih. Jadi, doktor membuat kputusan untuk memasukkan saya kedalam wad untuk rawatan rapi. Tetapi, ibu bapa saya meminta agar saya dipindahkan ke Kedah Medical Centre(KMC) kerana sebelum ini saya mendapatkan rawatan disana. Jadi, pada malam itu juga saya di pindahkan ke KMC dan dimasukkan kedalam bilik ICU selama 6 hari. Selepas enam hari, keadaan saya makin teruk dan oleh kerana masalah kewangan, saya dipindahkan ke Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, wad Kenanga 5C. Disitu, saya ditempatkan di tempat yang kronik sehinggakan saya terpaksa melihat kematian yang berlaku hari-hari. Ianya betul-betul menginsafkan sesiapa sahaja yang ada disitu pada waktu itu.

Dan apa yang tidak dapat saya lupakan ialah doktor memberitahu saya yang penyakit Asthma saya sudah sampai ke tahap 4 iaitu Severe Asthma dan dia suruh saya lupakan tentang pelajaran saya. Hati mana tidak sakit apabila mendengar kanyataan itu. Padahal, saya begitu bersemangat untuk meyambung pelajaran. Malah, saya sudah merancang masa depan saya dengan sebaik-baiknya. Selain daripada penyakit asthma yang dideritai saya, saya juga turut menderita pelbagai penyakit lain iaitu Renal problem, Chronic sinusitis, Diabetes, Young Hypertension dan Allergic Rhinitis. Jadi, sekarang saya masih lagi dalam temoh berehat sambil rawatan diteruskan dirumah.
(Jika dahulu saya takut melihat jarum, tetapi kini jarum itu seperti teman buat diri saya kerana hari-hari saya terpaksa berdepan dengannya. DST perlu dilakukan tiga kali sehari untuk mengetahui kadar glucose atau gula dalam darah).

(Jika kawan-kawan yang lain memiliki teman lelaki dalam hidup mereka untuk mengadu kasih, saya pula mempunyai inhaler sebagai teman hidup kerana ia akan menyelamatkan saya ketika saya dalam kesusahan "asthma attack". Jadi, kemana sahaja saya pergi, pasti saya akan membawa inhaler bersama saya).

(Jika kawan-kawan yang seusia dengan saya dapat merasakan makanan dan minuman yang enak-enak, saya pula terpaksa mengorbankan semua itu kerana makanan dan minuman yang enak-enak itu akan memudaratkan kesihatan saya).

Tetapi, Alhamdulillah saya bersyukur kepada Allah S.w.t kerana dengan ujian ini saya menjadi bertambah kuat iman dan menjadi manusia yang pandai bersyukur. Malah, kini saya lebih cintakan ujian daripada diberikan kesenangan kerana dengan hidup yang senang kita sering kali lupa kepadanya. Tetapi, dengan ujian ini membuatkan kita kembali mengingatinya(Allah). Bukan itu sahaja, malah ia akan membuatkan kita menjadi manusia yang memiliki kesabaran yang tinggi. Setiap kali saya ditimpakan dengan ujian, saya akan menggunakan kata-kata ini sebagai satu semangat untuk saya meneruskan kehidupan di atas muka bumi ini. Iaitu, Allah uji seseorang hamba itu sebab Allah sayang kepadanya dan dengan ujian itu, Allah akan menghapuskan dosa kita sehinggalah kita menghadapnya dalam keadaan bersih tanpa dosa. Subhanallah...

Sekian itu sahaja perkara yang boleh saya kongsikan bersama anda untuk kali ini. Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Let's fight ISRAEL! Lol... I mean the Zionist.

2010-06-01T20:50:00.007+08:00

Actually I was quite surprised when I heard the news about the STUPID actions of Israel which attacked the unarmed volunteers. Sometimes I think too. Do they have no sense or they do not know how to use it?.

This has shown that these are people who have no understanding and can not be negotiated. So, what is the appropriate action to punish them back. The question is, when we want to act?. Are we only able to see the lives of innocent people murdered by the Zionist regime, or whether the people in this world killed one by one, and at that time we began to act. But we must remember that the rice has become porridge.

So, here I hope that the whole world joined together in opposing the Zionist regime. Let's fight the Zionist regime until collapse.. We all need to wake up again. Until any further, we want a beautiful dream?. Do we still not satisfied with the pleasure given to us before this. Let rise of Islam and the rise of this world! Act now.

Sadness in me.

2010-04-06T19:45:00.002+08:00

It is very sad when your work is not accepted. Further more, when they say that you were taking it out from work of others. But, that's reality. Not easy to be successful. But we can't give up because it's not the nature of those who wish to succeed. Though sometimes it hurts our hearts, but it is the key to success for the future. What to say here is, that is what happened on me. So, please pray for me so that I could achieve my goals. :(

In fact, I never ask anything from you. I just hope the support from you, so I managed to achieve the goals that I have built. In fact, I do all this just for you. I just want to see this world is the way forward. I did not ask for money or popularity. So, help me. Before you want to make such accusations, it's good if you were down what you want to say later. Do research as was done by a scientist.

That's just my opinion or feelings on this day. Support me. :(

You will more motivated, if you record all that happens in your life.

2010-04-05T14:37:00.005+08:00

Saya ada mencipta satu kata-kata motivasi. Sebenarnya, saya tidak suka bergantung atau mengambil kata-kata daripada ahli falsafah atau orang lain. Contohnya seperti Thomas Alva Edison yang menggunakan kata-kata ini ' I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun' dan 'We don't know a millionth of one per cent about anything.

Pada pendapat saya, kalau kita asyik bergantung pada kata-kata atau nasihat daripada orang lain, kita tidak akan berjaya dalam hidup ini. Apatah lagi untuk mengusai dunia ini. Jadi, untuk mencapai impian saya, buat pertama kalinya saya mencipta kata-kata motivasi ini iaitu ' You will more motivated if you record all that happens in your life'. Saya inginkan agar suatu hari nanti, kata-kata ini akan digunakan sebagai pemangkin untuk berjaya dalam hidup.

Mencipta kata-kata yang boleh membuatkan seseorang itu terpegun bukanlah mudah seperti mencipta sebuah roket. Ianya kerana sebelum seseorang itu boleh menciptanya, mereka perlu melakukan beberapa kajian yang berkaitan. Jadi, begitu jugalah dengan saya. Oleh itu, biar saya jelaskan dengan terperinci maksud disebalik ayat ' You will more motivated, if you record all that happens around'.

Mari kita cuba fikirkan logiknya. Cuba bayangkan 20 tahun yang telah berlalu dalam hidup kita dan sepanjang 20 tahun itu, kita tidak pernah merekodkan walau satu haripun tentang diri atau keadaan sekeliling kita. Jadi, cuba fikirkan kembali kebolehan minda manusia. Berdasarkan kajian saya, manusia mempunyai dua jenis ingatan iaitu ingatan jangka masa pendek dan ingatan jangka masa panjang.

Jadi, apa yang ingin saya tekankan disini ialah, bolehkah manusia menyimpan data-data sepanjang 20 tahun yang lalu?. Selalunya, manusia mempunyai kebolehan untuk mengingati bentuk dengan mudah sekali. Contohnya, wajah dan tempat-tempat yang tertentu. Itu mungkin tidak menjadi masalah bagi kita. Tetapi, bagaimana pula dengan data-data tertentu seperti nombor atau tarikh kejadian?. Bolehkah minda kita mengekal data-data itu dalam tempoh masa yang agak lama iaitu ingatan jangka masa panjang?. Sudah tentu jawapannya tidak. Mungkin beberapa orang sahaja yang dapat mengingatinya.

Sekarang, berlawanan pula dengan apa yang dijelaskan tadi. Andaikan bahawa anda mencatat semua yang berlaku dalam hidup anda sepanjang 20 tahun yang lalu. Sudah tentu anda tidak menghadapi masalah untuk mengingatinya. Bukankah begitu?. Ianya kerana anda hanya perlu menyemak kembali diari atau journal anda. Itu akan lebih memudahkan. Bayangkan pula dalam tempoh 20 yang lalu, anda pernah mengalami kegagalan dalam hidup. Jadi, anda perlu mencari punca kepada kegagalan itu. Caranya begini, anda hanya perlu semak kembali diari anda dan lihat apakah yang berlaku dalam hidup anda sehingga membawa kepada kegagalan itu. Jadi, sekurang-kurangnya anda mempunyai cara untuk membina hidup baru kearah yang lebih baik. Anda akan merancang hidup anda dengan lebih baik daripada sebelumnya.

Malangnya, jika anda tidak pernah memiliki sebuah diari, sampai bilapun anda tidak menemui punca sebenar kepada kegagalan anda. Maksud saya disini ialah apabila kita sudah kenal pasti puncanya, sudah tentu kita tidak mahu melaluinya buat kali yang kedua. Kita tidak mahu mengulangi lagi kegagalan yang lalu. Jadi, inilah fungsi atau maksud kepada ' You will more motivated, if you record all that happens in your life'. Sekurang-kurangnya, kita belajar daripada kegagalan, bukan kita menjadi bertambah teruk.

Men who are not hairy.

2010-04-04T08:14:00.002+08:00

I have read a story about a man who is not hairy in the "infinity" book. This story is found in Malaysia. Very sad is when he can not live like everyone else. He was having trouble getting out of the house because he can not stand the sunlight. Arguably, the entire body of the man has no hair piece at all. Again, he said this all started happening when he was 12 years old.

In addition, he also conduct inspections at a nearby hospital because he was worried if his condition is caused by leukemia. Unfortunately, the examination of the doctor found that he is free from the disease. This is very disappointing because he expects that there are those that can help to treat his disease.

So, to ensure once again that the results of the examination was true, he had leukemia test for the second time in Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Test results showed that he was not suffering from any disease. This situation makes his life difficult because he has a problem sensitive to dust. This is due to the absence of eyelashes that should help protect the eyes from the impurities entered.

In addition, many medical experts found that this is the first case happened in Malaysia. So, I hope that one day the "men who are not hairy" is recovered as before and can lead a normal life. So I hope that the researchers could study about this new disease, and trying to find the cure. Thank you. I will try to find a specialist who can heal this man.

Anxiety in me that can'tt be removed.

2010-04-03T04:39:00.000+08:00

Today it happened again. Automatically, I will awake from sleep at 3:00 am. Ah! what actually happened?. I am tempted to sleep soundly as the other. I really unfortunate luck. Over the past few days I was plagued by a strange feeling. Mixed feeling of nervous, scared, tired, sad and sometimes I feel calm. Have I become crazy?. It is not possible because I was able to distinguish between good and bad. But, I am really depressed. Sometimes, when I see other people can sleep soundly, I feel jealous to them. How good if now, there are psychologists who can help me.

So, to dispel the feeling of boredom, I had to do activities such as writing and reading. But, until when it will continue like this?. Why should I need to go through all this. Anyone .... please help me. I'm afraid that one day my problem will get worse. Now, I have a problem of depression too. The question is, what makes me feel uneasy?.

Finally, I decided to write in this blog. I will write all my feelings down. Maybe it will ease part of my problem. However, there is a very effective medication for me. It is read or listen to the Quran. In fact, when I write all this already, and I was listening to it. It really helped me. Now, my soul feels very Calm. I am thankful that God still wants to help me during I need it. Unfortunately it is not sustainable.

I am really confused till I have thought about suicide yesterday. Ah! why be like that?.

So, I must be careful. I don't know what kind of creatures that possess my mind.I want to lead my life as normal as before. I just want happiness and peace. In addition, I hope this is only a nightmare and I hope when I wake up the next day, all the nightmare will be gone. Not disappeared briefly, but lost forever.

Dare to dream.

2010-04-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

This is my favorite music because it makes me feel like staying in a fantasy world. In fact, it gives me peace of mind. So great.

Genetic modification in microorganisms.

2010-04-02T05:32:00.000+08:00

Several months ago, I conduct research related to genetic modification in microorganisms. The study was done in private without any organization. The purpose of the study was to determine the ability of microorganisms to produce a new species or genes. For example in the development of biological weapons and medical research. With this study I try to find microorganisms to convert something that can benefit to mankind. Especially in pharmaceutical drugs.

The results I will post later in this blog. When?. I'm not sure. But, now I'm prepared for full results about the research. It may take time to complete.

My writing during in the high school.

2010-04-02T04:39:00.000+08:00

I would like to post my writing work during in the high school. At the time, I feel very happy because my writing was published in the school magazine. That was my first writings. I apologize because this story is written in Malay.
The title is: "SAYA PERGI DULU IBU"

Hidayah adalah pelajar tingkatan lima di Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Shah Alam. Kehidupan Hidayah bukanlah susah, malah dia hidup dengan senang-lenang. Dia dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang kaya-raya. Namun, kekayaan itu tidak dapat mengembirakan hatinya. Kebanyakan rakannya mengharapkan kehidupan yang kaya sepertinya. Tetapi, bagi Hidayah, dia hanya inginkan kasih sayang daripada keluarganya. Apa salah dirinya setiap hari dimarah dan dimaki hamun tanpa sebab. Tetapi, Hidayah memiliki hati yang tabah serta kental. Dia sabar mengharungi hidupnya yang sukar itu. Biarpun dia dalam keadaan sedih, namun Hidayah tidak pernah pempamirkan kesedihannya kepada rakan-rakannya. Selain itu, Hidayah juga merupakan seorang yang kuat beribat.

Tetapi,sesuatu telah mengubah hidupnya. Dahulu Hidayah merupakan seorang yang periang dan mudah berkawan di sekolah. Hanya di rumah sahaja dia akan bersedih. Tetapi, kini tiada bezanya di rumah mahupun di sekolah. Hidayah sudah tidak mampu mengharungi hidupnya yang terasa agak sukar itu. Namun begitu, dia cuba tabahkan hatinya. Masanya kini banyak dihabiskan di dalam bilik dengan menangis dan beribadah tanpa jemu-jemu. Dia tahu bahawa dia tidak bersendirian. Tuhan sentiasa bersamanya. Begitulah aktiviti harian Hidayah pada hari-hari berikutnya. Rakan-rakannya mula menyedari perubahan yang berlaku pada dirinya.

"Dayah tak suka kena marah. Dayah benci semua itu". Kata Hidayah dalam keadaan marah kepada ibunya.

Entah mengapa pada hari itu dia terlepas kata-kata terhadap ibunya. Tanpa membuang masa, Hidayah terus berlari masuk ke dalam biliknya. Dia duduk sebentar diatas katil sambil menangis teresak-esak. Akhirnya, Hidayah menadah tangan sambil memohon kepada Tuhan.

"Ya ALLAH, mengapa hidupku sukar sekali?. Aku dimarah setiap hari tanpa sebab. Adakah aku ini anak durhaka?. Ya ALLAH, aku mengharapkan pertolonganmu, kurniakanlah kesabaran serta keimanan kepadaku sehingga aku menghadapmu. Ampunkanlah dosa hamba ini. Ampunkanlah dosa ibu hamba Ya ALLAH. Amin Yarobbal'alamin". Hidayah menamatkan doanya dan terus menangis dengan teresak-esak.

Tiba-tiba kepalanya terasa sakit yang teramat sangat. Dia terus berbaring di katil dan terus terlelap. Esok adalah hari sabtu iaitu merupakan hari minggu.

Hidayah terjaga dari tidurnya. Jarum jam menunjukka pukul 5:00 pagi.Dia terus kebilik air untuk membasuh muka dan mengambil wudhu'. Tetapi, pada hari itu, Hidayah terasa kelainannya. Dia rasa terlalu letih dan kepalanya masih lagi sakit. Hidayah melupakan kesakitannya itu dan terus masuk ke dalam bilik untuk menunaikan solat sunat tahajud. Kemudian, Hidayah terus membaca Al-Quran sehinggalah masuknya waktu solat Fardhu Subuh. Udara pagi itu dirasakannya segar dan nyaman sekali. Ketika menunaikan solat Subuh, kepalanya sakit semula. Namun, Hidayah meneruskan solatnya sehingga tamat. Selepas memberi salam, dia terus pengsan dan tidak sedarkan diri.

~THE END~

This story not over yet. If I have free time, I will try to continue the story again. However, in the school magazine this story end here.I hope you enjoy reading this story. This story may be true and probably false. I wrote it based on what comes to my mind.

Lack of ideas does not prevent me to write something.(Bad news)

2010-04-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Today, with heavy rains and chilly weather. Unfortunately, fresh and cold that I feel is not sustainable. At night the weather uncomfortable. Very hot.

Actually, today is a bit boring because there's nothing to do. So, I decided to write in this blog about what I have experienced this day. Hmm .. Bored! Bored! and Bored!. In fact, no one at home today. So, who stayed at home today just me and Kak Wati. Only two of us who live and don't have anything that can be discussed. Mother, father and my brother had already on the way to Kuala Lumpur at 10:35 pm. It is because there is something happened there.

Actually, I don't know what to write in this blog. I lack of idea to start writing today. It seems my brain does not want to devote my idea to start writing in this blog. I feel my mind is empty like there is nothing left to be used. However, I am grateful because I still can continue my writing.

In fact, since a week ago, I felt very tired like I have done a heavy work. Moreover, it is not possible because I spent a lot of my time just reading, writing and do some research. In my opinion, this fatigue may be caused by my mind. My mind tired, and unable to function properly. Forget all that. If I thinking about it, it will get worse. So, let's start a new topic.

What I want to express actually is related to the fate of my family. This time my family received the bad luck. After a problem solved, another problem comes. That is the reality. Actually like this: Last night I see my mother looked nervous. She seemed awaiting news about somethings. So,I asked her. She told me that one of her family who live in Kuala Lumpur fell ill. So my mother decided to go to Kuala Lumpur and would like to know their conditions in more detail.

So, I agree with my mother. At least, it could help to reduce her uneasiness. So, as I said, they are on the way to Kuala Lumpur. I hope their trip go smoothly. And I pray that the sick one will recover as soon as possible.

Learn something new.

2010-04-01T02:19:00.000+08:00

Today I learn something new. This is the first time I was interested in the language code, such as Binary code and Morse code. It is quite interesting because before this I did not know that the numbers will be interesting when we are creative in using it. I never thought about it before. At least, it can attract my interest in numbers, and help me in trying to manage math skills.

However, based on what I found, Morse code and binary code is more focused on logical thinking. It does not need a formula that is difficult. So, in my opinion, anyone can learn Morse code and binary code. It may be a game that uses logic such as sudoku and more.

In addition, the binary code and Morse code is a computer language. However, its was created by human. This proves that the machine can not be function without human assistance. So, what might that, one day machines will be able to manage this world?. It is impossible to happen. Machine is programmed according to what people upon.

In conclusion, the human mind is great because they managed to create something very unique. They can change something old into something new and amazing, just by using their own minds (innovative). Similarly, scientists are trying to explore the secrets of the universe. They want to know something in more details. They will not stop to think until they find the answers to their questions.

The same goes for me. I also want to know something of my own experience. I'm not satisfied just by reading the works of others. So I have to dare to explore something new even though sometimes it can be harmful to me. Anyway, I really feel enjoy learning Morse code and binary code. That's it.

For the next topic, I will post about the "genetic modification on microorganisms". Where, a few months ago, I hav done research related to genetic modification. It involves several secret experiments.

God create humans with feelings.

2010-03-14T02:53:00.001+08:00

I still remember at the time, it was dark.
I heard the sound very fine, and I know where I am.
I open my eyes and see it in the darkness.
I feel the cold liquid touches my skin and I know the time has arrived.
I can hear the voice of women who groan in pain.
I know that woman, and I knew she is in more details.

Then I no longer heard the voice of women who groan in pain.
It is quiet and I feel foreign at all.
In a strange stillness, I see a great light.
Light that hurt my eyes. However, it will not kill me.
Then, slowly, I was pushed towards the light and I can see a foreign body in front of me.
I momentarily stunned like a statue.

Oh! I was aware, and I began to fear.
I see around me is filled with creatures that I don’t know.
They look at me and finally, I am crying, crying and continued crying.
When they see me crying, I have been given to a woman who I know.
She looked like fatigue and although tired, she tried to holding me.
She smiles at me and I feel happiness when looking into her smile.

Finally, the day turns into weeks, weeks turns into months, months or even years, and change from year to centuries.
I am not aware of the circulation occurred in my life.
I feel like yesterday I was face a weird experience.
Actually, it happened in many years ago.
That is the reality that I should be careful in my life.
A very sweet smile that I missed and I want to see it for a second time.

I feel excited and happy when remembered the experience.
And I also feel angry and sad when I remember this fate.
I hope that I can go back to my past and the period where I was trying to recognize this world.
But, I know it might not be able to achieve by me.
I am trying to find the answers and solutions to my problems.
However, I find the failure and destruction of what I expect.

I still remember when I began to recognize this world.
I still remember the good word ever spoken by the families, friends and all people.
I still remember friends and family who will always help me.
I did not feel sadness because every time I grieve, they will be a cure for my problems.
And I also remember the spirit of mutual help to each other.
And I ...... still remember when it all disappeared from my life.

All that was replaced with something are very scary in my life.
Where is beautiful advices I ever heard?.
Where is the spirit of helping each others?.
Why all the beauty is replaced by a malicious talk?.
Why all people willing to leave me alone?.
Why do you all more cruel than animals?.

Twenty-four hours I cry and pray to god.
And ....Twenty-four hours that I have received insults from people around me.
I wondered, Do they not have the guilt in them?.
Are their hearts harder than stone?.
Certainly those who hear this will be very angry.
That's just a normal word and not annoying anyone.

Before, I have friends and family to share my feelings.
It is because I am sure they will believe my words.
I also believe that they want to hear my ideas.
I also feel pleased with their reception.
But, now they do not trust me again.
In fact, they go away from me and I’m disappointed with them.

I know, many out there who face the same problems as me.
I know, there among you who are in despair.
I know, you all suffering.
But, remember that we are facing the same problem.
So, get up and set up our stand.
We are born not to hear insults and curse, but we are born to succeed in life.

Although I still feel hurt, I will try to find the cure.
I know I will live alone.
And ... I also know that one day I will find happiness.
I pray that those who have hurt my heart will be turned back.
May god bless them and give them awareness.
Honor our friends, and keep their hearts because they also have feelings like us.

Activities for this week.

2010-02-28T05:26:00.000+08:00

28 FEB 2010.
Today it's very good. There is no sign that the rain will come down. And, on this day also very busy because my family will be held feast my brother. Household could not sleep because of many things to be done. However, everything went smoothly. Yesterday also held a dinner and many guests in attendance. Also heard firecrackers add enliven the situation. It was fun. But, I can not participate because the situation does not permit.

But, I feel that this day may be more lively than yesterday because today there are artists invitation. Hmm. I never thought something like this before. I also feel somewhat awkward. However, I do not need to worry because my duty is only to keep souvenirs that will be delivered to those who attend. I feel very thankful that everything went as planned.

Clock now showing at 5:37 am. Still dark outside and somewhat boring. All fatigue because the activities carried out yesterday. I could not sleep due to insomnia. Hmm. That's it what I want to say this week.

Dare to speak up.

2010-01-09T20:23:00.000+08:00

I often wondered. Why so difficult once a person is to understand me?. Do I have a stupid and easily fooled by others?. Why do I need to pass all this in life?.

Everything I do, disliked by others. But, I believe, is not the only one I faced this problem. Many more out there like me who face the situation. Anything, all that has been determined in my life. I can not reject fate.

Since I was born in this world until now, this same thing only. It does not directly prosaic, made me feel even more depressed than before. I have to face the situation oppressed and humiliated. Not by others, but by my own family.

The question is, where humanity is supposed to exist in human beings called?. Why they are willing to do violence to their own relatives. Ahhhh ... What good, if I can escape from this situation. To a better place than this. My life depressed. But, I would never kill myself. I still hold on the Islamic religion.

I feel more satisfied if I can get out of this world's problems. However, people do not have the strength to fight fate. That is a human weakness. I would willingly killed or kidnapped. Because it is better if compared with the pressure that I face in this life. I hope only one, which I want out of the chaos of this situation. I want to see peace and smiles of children. Not to see them crying and fear.

Wedding which took place last week.

2009-12-30T08:41:00.000+08:00

Today there is nothing that I can relate because I am unwell. All because I hold a cat that suddenly into my room. I have chronic sinusitis disease. So, my exposure to a cat will make my condition will worsen. Now I have no idea to write. And I also feel lifeless to this day. I also have a fever. But, whatever happens, it does not prevent me from further writing.

What I want to tell today is about the wedding my brother. 25 Dec 2009 was the day "Christmas". And on the same day my brother held a wedding at a hotel called "Hotel De Pama" in Kuala Lumpur. Before this, I never through the ceremony so lively and luxurious. Let alone surrounded by the artists who participated in the present that night. It made me quite Clumsy on that night. Artists present were Mawi, Ikin, Jamal Abdillah and many more. Saleh Yaacob will necessarily have been present because he is the father-in-law to my brother.

However, it is a council that is very lively. My brother dressed like a prince. Look quite different at night. I also own quite surprised with the appearance of my brother. Is anything, I feel very thankful that the wedding runs smoothly as planned. My prayer is that my brother can build a family a happy and blessed children of the good.

On that night, I also feel quite sad because my brother has been called a husband. However, I will not forget when his childhood where my brother and I always play together. We face with bitter and sweet together. However, memories of children during the first only memories. My brother will build a new life with his family. Hopefully their marriage blessed by God.

I think, reached here only story I related last week. I can not continue my essay as usual, because I am sick today. However, I hope that today better than yesterday. New year, with the newly motivated. Happy New Year to all.

I'm quite confused on this day. What I want actually?.

2009-12-22T02:35:00.000+08:00

Today is quite windy in Jitra, Kedah. In other places I do not know weather conditions. I feel a little boredom because nothing can be done. As always, I only read books or write. No matter whether write in a book or write in this blog.

What I want to review is actually related to the weather. Based on my observations, the weather from day to day more severe. Weather conditions in the world is not stable. What cause?. Must be many who wondered why. However, it does not bring disrepute to the world.

However, since many recent natural disasters happening around the world. Look at the example of Indonesia. Those afflicted with various types of natural disasters. Pity them. However, it is the destiny of the gods. It is a lesson for mankind in this world.

In fact, many of them alleged that god is not fair. In fact, God is infinite justice. He revealed the disaster as a reminder to the people. Indeed, we have a lot of mischief on the earth. So, God communicates with us through natural disasters which he revealed. However, many are not aware of the purpose of the gods wish to come to them. When referred to only about religion, many who must try to stay away from such matters.

But, as humans, we must remember that we can not live without religion. It is because all religions encourage followers to good. Things to bring good will to provide benefits to the world. Meanwhile, things that will bring disrepute to bring disrepute to the world. Similarly, the natural disasters that happen in this world.
Perhaps many who wondered what I want. It is not important. What is really important, we must keep our behavior on this earth.

Ahh ... I personally do not know what I want delivered. But, perhaps one day, I will know what my goals actually. I'm trying to bring good to this world. However, my own is not a perfect one. I am only the servant of God. However, I will strive to achieve my ambition one day.

Did you know?

2009-12-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

World Muslim population amounted to 1.57b.

New Jersey: The Islamic world is now amounting to a ratio of 1:4 or 1.57 billion people of the world. The report prepared by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life which took three years to prepare them.

However, these reports have, even Islam began in Arab countries, but the largest number of Muslims in Asia which is about 60 percent of the total world Muslim population. From the comparison made, available, Germany has a Muslim population more than Lebanon. China, while many more Muslims from Syria and Russia more Muslims than Jordan and Libya.

Islam became the world's second largest religion after Christianity. Among the ten countries that have a Muslim population that most people in the world are Indonesia, India, Bangladesh, Iran, Turkey, Egypt, Algeria, Morocco and Nigeria.

Whats going on?

2009-12-20T06:31:00.000+08:00

As usual, I will wake up at four in the morning during everyone was asleep. Still dark outside and not many activities that can be done. Only five days remaining before the important day in the history of my family. My family will be busy preparing for the wedding.

It seems the weather this morning quite well. There are no signs that the rain will come down. However, possible rain in the afternoon will go down. I am not a clever predict weather. Moreover, quite difficult to determine the weather at this time because the sky is still dark.

I always wondered, will I wake up in the morning safely?. I mean is will I wake up like the other days. Or, perhaps also when I wake up from sleep and I find something bad is happening in this world. And may also be at the time I could not save myself. but, I only plan. I ask a question like that because I find that many are not aware of their true condition. They feel as though they will live forever.

Many who fear death. Why did all of that should not happen. They try to avoid death. But, even though any of their efforts, death will come pick them. We must accept the reality that the more we age, the more we approach death. In fact, even where we go, death will always hunt us.

What I want to review is actually about 2012. Many are afraid when they hear the year 2012. In fact, there is nothing to fear. Many have wondered. Is Doomsday happened in 2012?. The answer is no. As a Muslim, I always read the verse Holy Al-Quran. It is also told about the big things will happen. May also in 2012 that strange things will happen. However, it is not the Doomsday. Things will happen in 2012 is but a reminder to the people of this.

True or not I can not be sure. However, preparedness to face the year 2012. After 2012, many things strange and unusual will happen. take lessons from these things. You also need to remember that the Doomsday will not come until the truth overcome falsehood.

How to use my website.

2009-12-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

I have a distinctive way in managing every website that I follow. If you have questions related to religion, you can add me in TAGGED.com. However, in the tagged I have also set up a group that is: Science & Technology. So, to anyone who is interested about sc & tech may join this group. Religious issues that I use more to Islam. But, to anyone who wants to be my friend, is very welcome.

Then, for those who are interested about science and just want to focus on science only, add me in your myspace. I have many friends myspace the majority of those scientists. So, the discussion will be easier. I hope this can help solve a little problem playing in your mind.

About Youtube. I apologize because there is no video I can upload because quite busy in recent years. Please note. However, I will try to upload videos that are interesting in the near future. If you want to know more about the activities of my website, you can use Twitter. Follow me on Twitter.

My Feelings

2009-12-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

Feelings! What I feel. I feel like in a prison that can not be viewed. Even though my country has been independent.

I know that there is a secret not known by me and unknown to the society in this world. My mind colonized by a power. A power that can not be expressed with words. I tried to break though the truth. I see people seem to have no religion. They do not realize all that. They will say that they are free and can do whatever they want. They are wrong. Their perception is wrong.

In fact we live under an evil force that tries to control our thinking. We are influenced by the media. I want you all to know that the media is a very effective way to dominate the world. It is a technique frequently used by the evil powers. If I can, I want to liberate you all. But, what can I do. I am just a normal girl who tried to truth. Who will hear the words of ordinary people?. They only hear the words of their leader.

Now in 2009. Based on my observations, people seem to have no more religion. They have forgotten the origins of their offspring. The question is, they forget or they are asked to do so intentionally?. In my opinion, they were so caused by evil powers that control their minds. They do not realize. If you want to know what I mean evil power, you need to study the current state of society. Remember! Do not look at past elites. Secretly stored neatly in the elites. You will know the answer. You will also successfully liberate your mind by controlled by the evil power.

I keep waiting for the new year with a full pulsation. It is because the new year, new plan. You know what plan?. This plan is conquering the world. Make people listen to them. Still more secret they have not known by me. Hold on hold after my painful. My mind never stops to think. I believe strongly that one day the truth will set up. Only, the only part still controlled by this evil power. You all need to remember that victory is always in the truth.

Want a dream in the daytime?

2009-12-19T18:55:00.000+08:00

You must not understand what I mean. Actually, I want you to hear this song. It is really interesting. As I say. I am a person who liked the soft music. Hmm, I hope this can attract your attention. Listen to this song at the time you are in a state of stress. Maybe it's a little to reduce your stress.

Many activities are retained.

2009-12-19T18:27:00.000+08:00

In Kedah: Now the rainy season. It causes a lot of activity retained. But, however, weddings will continue. My hope is that next week does not rain. This will facilitate the wedding my brother. Hm, seems I will have a sister-in-law soon. Hopefully, my brother live happy forever.

Now is also a semester break for students UiTM. Quite bored because there is no activity that can be carried out. I prefer to learn from sitting at home. Mary X-mas to all.